30 Minutes Ago: President Donald Trump was Shot AGAIN But this time on his NOSE While he was Exiting the White House and was Urgently Rushed to the Hospital only for doctors to discover he has cancer of the…

In a bizarre and bewildering turn of events, former President Donald J. Trump was allegedly shot on the nose earlier today while exiting a side entrance of the White House, where he was reportedly visiting to inspect the new “Trump Gold Balcony” he had proposed back in 2020.

Eyewitnesses claim the projectile was “not a bullet, but something much weirder,” with one tourist insisting it looked like “a rolled-up subpoena launched from a slingshot.”

Secret Service agents immediately rushed Trump to Walter Reed Medical Center for evaluation. While examining the minor nose injury, doctors claim they made a startling discovery: a suspicious growth in his nasal cavity.

“While it’s too early to determine the severity,” said a doctor who wished to remain anonymous, “initial scans suggest something consistent with stage MAGA carcinoma, a rare condition known only to affect individuals who wear red hats for more than eight hours a day.”

Trump himself commented on the incident via Truth Social from his hospital bed:
“This was the most PERFECT nose injury, probably in the history of noses.

Doctors say my nose is incredibly strong and might be the healthiest nose ever, except maybe Lincoln’s. Also, fake news cancer. Probably planted by the Deep State. Sad!”

White House Press Secretary Claribel Quirke denied any official involvement, stating, “Mr. Trump is a private citizen, and the only shots being fired at the White House today were espresso shots in the West Wing Café.”

While investigations are ongoing, some believe this may have been a rogue attack by an anti-nasal extremist group known as “The Smellers,” protesting against Trump’s infamous 2020 comment: “I have the best nose for politics.”